I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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