i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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