Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
