you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
This toilet bowl is my home.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
