I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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