You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
