I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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