Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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