Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
