yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I still have a little drunk in my system
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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