it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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