I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
even my farts smell like vagina
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
