Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
