theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
