omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
