my shit smells like andre
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Randomize
