jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
