Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Randomize
