If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
