i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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