no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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