all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
