I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
