I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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