You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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