I'm really into asian looking animals
So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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