was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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