Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
