he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
