He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize