he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I just want to make out with him forever
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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