I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Randomize
