I wanna bring you to show and tell
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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