you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I faked an abortion last night.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
