Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
