Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
