And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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