Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize