He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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