I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
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