Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
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