Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Well I just put wine in my tea
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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