The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
