How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
