He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
