I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I'm always down for nudity.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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