I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
