Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Randomize
