she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
