Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
