I can feel you judging me through the phone.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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