Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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