Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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