is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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