i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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