All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I am midnight drunk by noon
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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