She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
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