As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize