She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
