me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
