if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
