you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
