don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
