hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
