i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
this will be a night to untag.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
