is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
