You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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