We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
