Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
