I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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