'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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