only if we run a train.
done.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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