You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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