I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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