sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Randomize
