apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
