it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
My vagina just clenched in fear
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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