We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
