He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Randomize
